4.30.19
Y'all peep that wit up there^?? š
THE TIME IS NOW! I have been waiting to write about something that plays a colossal role in my life. A specific something. Something huge. Something BIG!
okay...maybe not that big. But I caught your attention didn't I?
I'm here to talk about what I suppose it is a normal topic of conversation, though, for my specific demographic. Teenage girl talking about her friends and boy troubles??? Wowwww Brynn, very fresh material....
But this time it's a little different... it's me addressing a pressing realization. One that I have just recently discerned: I have never had a lifelong best friend nor long term boyfriend. (For sake of verbosity let's categorize them both into the term "significant other"). No number one, no one that ranks above all others. But this in no way denotes that I am lonely. In fact, I am surrounded by love. This unique position is one I'm fond of, one I'm proud of in a way, and has strengthened my self sufficiency and independence ten fold.
For so long, I have never been able to understand why a connection like this seemed unlikely. Of course I thought it would be a cool concept, what girl doesn't think about having a boyfriend. So fantasizing about the "one" is common, but yearning for a best friend? Sounds sad!
I am what is known as a social butterfly. *cue teeth commercial smile sparkle* I spread myself out, I befriend quality people, and I nurture friendships new and old. Most importantly, I spend a good bit of time by my self, because.. I mean... I like my own company too.
I have been thinking about the 'why' for quite some time now. Why haven't I got a significant other? And man, have I hypothesized oodles of reasons! For starters, I suppose I think everyone carries the same amount of significance. Of course some I am closer to, but I truly see everyone with equal potential. My second motivation: Perhaps the reason I haven't craved one prime connection is simply to let myself develop as genuine and raw as possible. If you hang out with anyone for an amount of time, you begin to imprint, you change a little bit. You either emulate the other or you start catering your behaviors to properly adjust with theirs.
Am I making sense here?
I'll try to explain better. When you hang out with your bestie, your bofo, your "person" for too long, people may notice similar characteristics between you two. Those traits could have been embedded within both of you prior to the engagement, OR more likely, theyāre traits you picked up to assimilate into the relationship better.
I believe that subconsciously, I just didn't want to be affected. I wanted to be as 'Brynn Moore' as possible. I had enough sustainable friendships enabling me to not rely on one sole confidant. I was independent enough to not count on one solitary being to bring my happiness or attention.
This is ultimately a thought pattern clinging to its one-way ticket to solitude. And not the cute meditational kind I mentioned in the last post. When you allow yourself to get fiercely close with someone, youāll only see traits you love in a friend in yourself- and that interchange is a beautiful one. But Iāve always had a stubborn trailblazer mentality about meā¦ and sometimes the easiest way to categorize is in extremes.
How solemn would one become if they longed for the attention of only one other? To be reliant on another for my sole income of happiness is the equivalent of stripping away your core of its earnest capabilities. The recovery period of a breakup takes ages. The bff friendship mourning is killer.
Maybe I have been evading that hurt and holding off on investing in someone too deeply, harshly even. Perhaps that and that both my high school crushes ended with them dating someone else. But never mind that!!
I truly believe that I was fearful of missing out on growth while recovering from heartbreak. Aren't the two mutually exclusive?
It just isn't fitting for me to devote the majority of my time to one singular connection.
But NO this does not mean I'm opposed to the idea of dating. Gee wiz it sure would be groovy to find out a guy thinks I'm cool. Definitely. not. opposed. All I know is that I would not thrive in an environment where I am tied down, where I feel like I owe my time or emotions to someone else.
As for best friends, it'll be super cool when I find my person! Maybe my person will be my boyfriend too. How cool is life! That plausibility!
Once again, thanks for stopping by and taking a gander at my muddled thoughts. These blog posts are starting to mimic my journal entries.. so sorry about that. However, I believe a great blog achieves vulnerability and an attractive audience. That's right, I'm talking to you hot stuffš
Your time is always appreciated. Check in next week: The Moore you know!
Senior Prom
Comments