11.8.19
They say it’s real easy to lose sight of yourself, but i think i have the opposite problem.
Wow Brynn, great start to your overdue blog post. I love hurting my brain trying to comprehend paradoxical opening lines.
Welp, okay. In the simplest: I haven't lost sight of myself because that is all I have been concerned with lately. Whereas others lose themselves for a moment, I have actually quite exhausted the time spent in my own head. I've been too focused on myself.
The me focus is an easy route! You have to prioritize yourself and your time so you can study and make good grades. It is easy to think me when you aspire after a a certain goal, a fitness level or financial vision. You think, "It's just me and the journey ahead." It is easy to think 'me' because it is convenient. “Me” is present all the time, there is no ditching them! But I think we have all learned somewhere, somehow, that everyone could use a break from their own company.
I spent my first two months in college a little melancholy. I think I was so focused on getting acclimated and experiencing the hype of college everyone talked about that I was blind as to what was right in front of me. I kept to myself more than I would have liked to. I was content being alone, but I wasn't happy being alone.
I made new friends but wanted more. I had everything at my fingertips but still had an inkling of.. what if it should be better? I hung with pals but cut time spent with them short. Why was I always searching? Why wasn't I satisfied?
I was talking with my dear friend Rachael yesterday and we were saying how we miss the really pure and wholesome, glad to be alive, happy-go-lucky things that were so accessible in high school. Things I took for granted like volunteering for 5k races, babysitting for sweet young families after school, playing with puppies (and walking downstairs and seeing your own). I thought to myself dang, those were the days. But before I became too dismayed, she reminded me that this very moment we are experiencing a whole new bundle of memories...and it’s important we embrace it while we can. Now I don't know about you but that was earth shaking to me. We are living in the good ol' days right now.
How cool!
It is so incredibly easy to go through the motions. Terrifyingly easy. I guess sometimes it takes a wake up call to remind you that you have to go and MAKE the good ol' days.. good ones.
Once you understand that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, bliss is just around the corner. It took me a little bit to find that corner. When you decide to agree that you're right where you should be, you will start to see things differently, you start to really like your environment.
A little bit ago I thought my communication professor talked too much about himself and thought he was a know-it-all. Then logic slapped me in the face and reminded me that this is a professor. A more knowledgeable being. Someone that I am learning from, granting me the privilege of receiving higher education. So now I think he's actually pretty darn insightful. I think it is cool I get to hear his wacky stories and participate in college level thinking. I spent a good bit of time fantasizing over the year I can get an apartment. But what is the rush? How silly was I fast forward to next year, living off campus. 'Cuz dorm life rocks. Yeah, I said it. I can hang out with great people whenever I want because they all live a few steps away. I get to have a sleepover with somebody every night. I can jump on my roommate's bed and bother her at my leisure. (Hehe luv u Liz) A while back I said that the dining hall was getting old. But now I see it as a place where I get an extra serving of veggies in my omelets and free coffee and a whole staff of nice ladies that say "Have a good day, baby." Man, I feel so nurtured in there.
SO BASICALLY. Perspective is everything man. It is not circumstance that sucks, it is how you respond. Like if you’re tired of not seeing the good in this world.. be the good bro. Ew am I turning into a cliche? They're strangely applicable and so relevant ugh.
Since we are on the topic of appreciation...
Normally my VSCO feed is filled with either photos of my gorgeous friends or some breathtaking landscape. But, if you get real lucky, you'll discover some dumb sappy quote with stars and rainbows all around it that has been republished thousands of times that typically reads "Boys suck." or "F*** feelings." However, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon something with a bit more depth. The quote says “surround yourself around people that don’t judge, that dream and support and DO things.”
I’m so thankful I have run into people like this in college. Emily Moore for example, a bundle of giggles she is, called me at 12am last Thursday and asked me to go to the beach. To drop everything, go get a slushie and hit the road to sleep on the sand until sunrise. That is cinematic af. My teammate Kennedy exemplifies this quote nicely too. The most precious human ever; she only speaks positively of people, using her words to make everyone feel important. Kennedy tells everyone they are BEAUTIFUL and really really means it. My friend Kinley, always gives others the benefit of the doubt. A foreign concept to me, I am not always the first to sympathize. But she has perfected the art of it. She is slow to judge and quick to love. Jeez what great people to be influenced by!
It is so easy for our hearts to become like rocks when we spend too much time with ourselves, wallowing in negative thoughts. When you're in a slump maybe similar to the one I endured, people like Emily, Kennedy, and Kinley are imperative for that internal shift.
While it is incredible if you find people like those described in the quote, it is even more gratifying to DO like an Emily. To SPEAK like a Kennedy. To LOVE like a Kinley.
Love is action and I love doers.
Comments